Judging Me, Judging You

I've been thinking quite a bit over the last few days about the human tendency to judge others. At first, I was giving all the credit for this ugly trait to the Fundies, but the more I thought on it, the more I realized this isn't a Fundy thing or an Evangelical thing; it's a human thing. It's something we all do. Christians judge non-Christians, and vice versa. Libs and Conservatives judge one another. Active people look with a less than understanding eye on inactive people, especially if the inactive sorts are overweight. The skinny judge the fat. The married judge the single. The environmentally conscious judge people who couldn't care less if the glaciers melt and the planet becomes unliveable. (Oops! Did I just reveal my environmentally friendly position there? LOL.) It's rich against poor, minority against majority, employed against unemployed, the fashion conscious against the fashion disasters. It seems no matter where you turn, you'll find someone to judge and someone who's judging you. In a society that screams for tolerance and understanding, we're all failing miserably, even if we believe in these high ideals.

Naturally, I've had the experience of being judged. I carry around enough extra pounds to be labeled curvy, so naturally I get to be victim to the stigma that follows all people with a few to take off: lazy and inactive. As one might expect, most athletic folks look at me and see a couch potato who's addicted to sitcoms and Cheetos. That image couldn't be further from my reality. Because they're judging, they don't see the fact that I'm an avid hiker and lover of outdoor sports who can't remember the last time she ate chips of any kind and wouldn't even bother with owning a TV if she lived alone. I can't change the fact that my curves refuse to comply with my fitness level, but I sure as hell hate to be judged because of it. There are few things that infuriate me more than taking a hike with a skinny, inactive friend and running into a judgmental fellow hiker. Inevitably, once we reach the top of the climb, that other hiker will come to me and say, "Hey, you made it. Good work. That was a hard climb." All I want to say is, "Kiss my ass, buddy. Perhaps you failed to notice that I passed you three times on the way up. The only reason you beat me to the top is because Slowbones over here kept having to stop for a rest. And for the record, this is an easy hike. If you want a hard climb, I can show you one." Such a response, however, would be neither gracious nor polite, and despite the fact that I hate the assumption that promotes that hiker's comment, I have to appreciate the kind intentions behind it. So I hold my peace... or strike up a conversation in which I casually mention some of the really tough backcountry hikes I've taken recently and how this is my partner's first hike and I'm introducing her to life on the trail. I consider this "educational." After all, misconceptions never change if they're never challenged or corrected.

I could give a number of examples of the assumptions and judgments I've witnessed, but as the focus of this blog is spirituality, we'll address those. And I'll start with me. (Surprise, surprise! LOL.) For many years, I was one of those conservatives who was guilty of judging liberals (keep in mind that I'm not speaking politically here). I deemed anyone with less conservative ideas than me (and believe me, I was REALLY conservative) a liberal. And in being a liberal, this person was clearly wrong. As an example, for several years I held to the idea that courtship - a highly structured way of forming romantic relationships - was "God's way" and therefore the only way Christians should pursue romance. For a time, I was actually insufferable about this issue. When my best friend took the time to raise a few objections to the courtship approach to relationships and chose to wrestle with the matter rather than embracing the idea wholesale, I privately deemed her as a little less spiritual than me. In fact, I thought I was more spiritual than pretty much everyone in my church, as most of them couldn't see the wisdom of courtship, the clearly revealed will of God for the single people in our gathering. At every opportunity, I preached it to the reluctant singles amongst us, extolling courtship's virtues and showing them that God wanted them to mature into this new thing. And with every rejection, my sense of my own spirituality and martyrdom grew.

The truth is, I was like this on a lot of issues. The stricter the discipline and the more restrictive the rules, the more spiritual the practice in question seemed to me. I wouldn't have called myself an ascetic, but in retrospect that's precisely what I was. I know I'm painting a picture of myself as a real ass - and at times I'm sure I was - but my heart really was in the right place. I wanted to do right and be good from the inside out. I just went about it the wrong way. And though it might sound like I've completely switched sides and have no use for disciplines or practices like courtship, that's not the case. I may not agree with everything they say, but I'm also not going to deny that they make some valid points that are worth considering. So I'm not challenging them directly; I'm challenging the attitudes they subtlely promote: "This way is better and more spiritual. Those who are committed to doing things God's way will perceive this and embrace it; those who are still 'in love with the world' won't. And since I've perceived it, it's a clear sign of my devotion and spirituality. Since you haven't..." And so is born this judgmental attitude amongst Fundies and Evangelicals. The conviction is "my way is God's way and therefore the only right way. Your way differs from mine; therefore, it's wrong. That makes me more spiritual than you." And so we come to a place where the Cons (haha! okay, conservatives) have so many disciplines to keep them in line that they no longer need grace, and the Libs have such a dependence on grace that they no longer acknowledge the value of disciplines.

It's easy to see how the Cons judge the Libs, but the truth is, the Libs judge the Cons too. Now that I have more liberal perspectives, I find that I'm as likely to judge the Cons as I once was to judge the Libs, as evidenced by some of the things I say in this blog. It's very easy for me to focus on all the things the Cons are doing wrong and feel that I have a better understanding of the true heart of God. This attitude is just as wrong as my old judgment in the opposite direction.

I don't know if it can be accomplished because we're fighting against a tendency that's deeply embedded in human nature (or perhaps I should say it can only be accomplished through a mighty work of God), but somehow the Libs and Cons have to stop judging one another. Somehow we have to recognize that each side has a kernel or two of truth that the opposition could benefit from. Somehow we must come to understand that when you boil us down to the heart of the matter, the real desire in all of us is to know and please God, and to do His work. If we could just begin at that very small patch of common ground, we might come to the place where Libs and Cons no longer reject one another's perspectives out of hand without really listening and acknowledging their validity. I'll be among the first to admit that I don't have any patience for Con perspectives these days. I don't want to hear them. I feel like these people and their ideas have wounded me long enough. But I have to get past that and recognize that I'm not being fair. Yes, they're doing some things that I consider absolutely wrong and absolutely opposed to the heart of Jesus, but I was once a true Con myself, and I have to remember the names and faces of the people who once filled my life and remember that these Cons (haha. Sorry, but calling them "cons" is kinda amusing!) really want the same Jesus I long for. I have to acknowledge that some of the things they have to say are right, just as some of the things we Libs have to say are right. And we're both wrong on some points.

We may never agree, but if we would stop judging one another long enough to learn a little from each other, perhaps we might all grow a little more toward our real objective, and perhaps we might accomplish more of the work God has for us in bringing light and hope and love to the dark places around us. We all have to stop assuming that our position is the right one and therefore we're entitled to judge all others as wrong. Until we do, we'll never be able to find that common ground: Jesus.